ADHD Phone Phobia: How EMDR Therapy Can Help Adult Women with ADHD in North Carolina

Do you ever find yourself avoiding phone conversations like the plague—or noticing your heart rate steadily climb as an anticipated call gets closer? For many adult women with ADHD, phone calls can feel uniquely stressful and emotionally charged.

Common fears include trouble hearing or focusing on what the other person is saying, being asked to speak up, not having the right words when you need them, not knowing whose turn it is to talk, or feeling trapped into agreeing to something you don’t actually want to do. In moments like these, rejection sensitivity and past relational wounds can flare up fast.

For women with ADHD, these reactions aren’t a character flaw—they’re often the nervous system responding to years of being misunderstood, interrupted, or criticized. This is one reason EMDR therapy for ADHD can be so effective, especially when phone anxiety is tied to earlier experiences of shame, rejection, or pressure.When phone calls are unavoidable, here are some supportive, ADHD-friendly strategies to help you stay regulated and grounded.

Six Tips for Unavoidable Phone Calls (ADHD-Friendly)

1. Grace for your future self. Before the call even begins, offer your future self compassion. Promise that if something goes sideways—missed words, awkward pauses, or misunderstandings—you will still be worthy of respect and care. What usually matters most to others isn’t the mistake itself, but how it’s handled. Practicing self-kindness helps calm the nervous system and reduces emotional overwhelm.(In EMDR therapy, this kind of self-compassion work often pairs beautifully with reprocessing past experiences that made mistakes feel unsafe.)

2. Create a scriptUse the time before the call to write down what you want to say. A simple structure works well:

Greeting

Main points or questions

Farewell:

Practice out loud or with a trusted person.

Keep the script in front of you during the call.

If the call isn’t mandatory, you can even use this script to send an email or leave a voicemail during off hours.

3. Pick your space. Choose an environment with the lowest chance of interruption and the most sensory support.

Consider:

Touch: comfy clothes, seating, fidget tools, temperature

Sight: a calming image, a window, or a blank wall

Smell: essential oils or a diffuser

Taste: tea, coffee, or water

Supporting your senses helps your brain stay regulated and focused.4. Write as you listen.

Create a space on your paper labeled Questions / New Information. Writing things down as they’re shared helps with memory, keeps your brain engaged, and reduces the pressure to remember everything later. This strategy is especially helpful for ADHD brains that process information quickly but don’t always retain it under stress.

5. Tabling is okay. If you’re presented with an unexpected decision, give yourself permission to pause. Add a section labeled Tabled Decisions and write down two future times you’re available to follow up. You can also offer to respond by email. Slowing things down protects your boundaries and reduces impulsive yeses.

6. Handling unexpected calls. Once you have a system in place, unexpected calls get easier. It’s okay to say, “Can I call you right back?” Use that moment to prepare your script, move to a quieter space, and gather your notes before returning the call.

When Phone Anxiety Is Tied to Trauma or Rejection Sensitivity:

For many women with ADHD, phone anxiety isn’t just about communication—it’s connected to past experiences of being criticized, dismissed, or pressured. EMDR therapy can help gently reprocess those experiences so your nervous system no longer reacts as if each call is a threat. If you’re an adult woman with ADHD living in North Carolina, working with a therapist who understands both ADHD and trauma-informed approaches like EMDR can be especially supportive. Phone calls don’t have to feel like emotional landmines. With practical tools—and sometimes deeper therapeutic support—it’s possible to approach them with more confidence, flexibility, and self-trust.